What the heck is polydimethylsiloxane, and why did I feed it to my daughter?

A couple of days ago, my wife was out of town, and I wanted to treat my daughter to a fun dinner, something different, something new. I remembered when I was a child in the ‘70s my father used to buy TV dinners, and we’d eat in front of the tube watching “The Gong Show” or “Hee Haw.”

Sure, the meals weren’t that good, but I remember laughing with my dad (as much as I remember the crunchy edges of the “brownie”), and that feeling was what I wanted to give my daughter. So off to the store I went, perusing the glass-door aisles for something tasty and fun for my unsuspecting 5-year-old. I found some cartooney boxes and picked out one I thought she might enjoy. The bright container showed ham-and-cheese stuffed breadsticks, macaroni and cheese, corn and for dessert, granola bites. Not super-nutritious, but this was to be a treat, so I was ok with it.

We got it home, popped it in the microwave and set up the TV trays. This was going to be fun! But when it was time to eat, she wouldn’t touch it.

“It just doesn’t taste good, Daddy.”

I took a bite of the “breadstick.” It was not good. It was so bad that it was unidentifiable. I’ve professionally tasted food for 6 years now. I’m a foodie, but not a food snob; in fact, I love a fast food cheeseburger every now and then. But I can honestly say that I’ve never tasted anything quite like that “breadstick” before.

I grabbed the box and read the ingredients. Rather, I tried to read the ingredients, because the print was too small and full of words I’d never seen before.

I was appalled. Giving myself a headache, I started counting ingredients. Among my favorites: #113 polydimethylsiloxane, #62 sodium hexamethphosphate and #110 propl gallate.

Total number of ingredients: 168.

One hundred and sixty-eight things I tried to feed my child. I felt like a horrible parent, but at least she didn’t eat the boxed mess.

So after throwing the lot in the trashcan, we decided on a ham-and-cheese omelet with a side of strawberries for dinner. Total ingredients: 12.

I learned my lesson. Like my grandfather used to say, “Make sure you read the fine print.” What he left out was, “If you can.”

John McMillan
Associate Editor