Yes, how many teen kids that you are stay at home Moms??? Most work and let the kids being teens stay home til you get home. Oh Wow!! Let me say I watched your kids because they didn't want home in a empty house, I was the stay at home MOm and all the teens came to my house, yes after work you came by to pick up your kid, teen yrs can get into different directions, I listen to your child and understood, they were lonely and wanted to stay in my house. I fed them, nice kids but you not home they could go crazy in a different direction, I was there and they knew it and came to my house. They called me Mom #2 how sad. Please any parent of a teen understand this, I have seen it and it continues on. I am so glad I was there . The kids wanted a safe place and I did if for many yrs. I only have one child but please working parents understand teens need somewhere to go and an empty house is not one of them. If not they can get into trouble you aren't there.
It is a tough situation--remember many many many parents HAVE to work to survive and support those teens. I am sure if they would everyone would love to stay home instead of working. I gave up a career to work for the schools. Yes a lesser paying job, but one that would allow me to be home when the kids were home. Not everyone has that ability to do that and I was happy to have visiting teens over to the house. I miss those years of a full house but I never tried to replace anyones parent just was happy to help out. I remembered that ALL parents were working to put a roof over their heads, food in their tummies, and clothes on their back. I had to work they had to work and it is a wonderful world when we can all help each other out.
This is why I am glad both DH and I are home every day with kids. DH farms and I mostly am a SAHM. If I do work it is at the school so come home with kids.
My niece who is 13 stays at home alnone with her 11 year old brother after school. I kind of watch what she does on FB because her parents do not. My children told me she goes into chat rooms and that scares me to think what she says to strangers on line. Her parents (my sister) is clueless about the Internet. If I try to say something she acts like her child would never do anything wrong. I tried to tell her to password their computer like we do and only let her on when they are home but she says they call her DH and bug him so much at work for the password he gives in and gives it to them. So they quit putting a password on it. The kids run that house and I see big troubles ahead.
My mother worked off and on while I was growing up. When I was 12/13 she was not working. At times she didn't have a car to go to the store because of lack of money. My dad provided for us but times were tough. We lived out in the country so there weren't many neighbors to visit with. My mother was going crazy there alone all day with no contact with the outside world. Then my dad got deathly ill. Christmas that year was sad. Then my mother went back to work. My brother and sister were grown so I came home alone after school. I loved it!!!! I was there for about 2 hours. I learned to be responsible for myself. I started supper, did my homework, watched TV, listened to the radio LOUD, did my own laundry, cleaned the house. Soon we had extras that my parents had never been able to afford before. My mother was happier than she had been in years. I didn't go wild. I never hated that my mother worked outside the home. I was very grateful that she did. We spend time together in the evenings and weekends.
mothers working isn't the worst thing in the world that can happen to a child.
I wonder why the question is about a stay at home MOM? Why not DAD? My husband was a stay at home dad for the majority of the time our children were at home. I worked two jobs for a long time to enable us to have a parent at home. Did I miss a lot of their growing up? Sure did. Do I feel the guilt? Sure do. So the last thing working moms need is more guilt. The majority of the moms I know work because they have to not because they want to...whether its for financial reasons, health care reasons, or their own mental health reasons. I live in a small farming community and I can't tell you how many times the school would have a party, lunch, morning reading, etc and invite the class moms (not dads). I very seldom was able to go and they sure made me feel guilty about it. It's great that you could stay home...I couldn't.
2bmwmomI wonder why the question is about a stay at home MOM? Why not DAD?
Amen, 2bmwmom. There are occasions when it makes more sense for the father to stay at home. Several of my friends have this arrangement with their husbands because their husbands can work from home.
I think that I understand what you are trying to say....just because your kids are old enough to be alone does not necessarily mean that they will be just fine and do not take anything for granted. I think it's good to discuss being home a lone with your child, especially the rules and what is acceptable and what is not and perhaps have a back up plane in place or some options. I did not get the feeling that you where attempting to put anyone on a guilt trip ...it came across to me as a heads up.
I worked all the time when mine were growing up. I did it so they would have nice clothes (I don't mean expensive, more like one new pair jeans per year),and some years I had to pay the bills. However when they were small I had a sitter for them, later on they came home. I never allowed them to go to someone else's house. They could and did have friends over on the weekends.
Most of these posts sound like you are patting yourself on the back for being SAHM when you are only doing what you are supposed to do. I would have if finances and health factors had allowed me to. Don't put down on mothers that work.
And what are single mom's who don't want to depend on welfare suppose to do to. A lot of the single moms I know have to work because of dead beat dads who don't help. Or single dads that are raising thier kids. They have no choice.
How great it is to be able to help one another! Some SAHM's can offer a 'safe' place, or simply companionship for the neighborhood kids.
And, it is great, if the working parents can know that there is a safe place if necessary. Maybe the working parents could offer to occasionally pick up a pizza...no, not weekly...just once in a while. But, if a working parent in the neighborhood would even ask if you need something at the drugstore, that they would be willing too pick it up on the way from work, that would be great!
Too often, I see our kids have friends, yet we as adults, often do not. Speaking from experience, I would not recognise my next door neighbor...(of 18 years!) if I saw them other than at home. They both worked, and neither of us really made the effort, because everyone drove to distant friend's homes to socialize. Yet, I know many of you on the BB, know your kid's names, even what you had for supper, and what illnesses your parent's have. If I need sympathy, you are who likely will offer it. But if I need true help...it would be nice to have maintained a friendship with the neighbors.
In a perfect world, I would have made friends with all of the neighbors...kids and adults. Then it would indeed be the 'village' necessary to raise a child. JMHO
nana-bAnd what are single mom's who don't want to depend on welfare suppose to do to. A lot of the single moms I know have to work because of dead beat dads who don't help. Or single dads that are raising thier kids. They have no choice.
I had to read the OP a few times to figure out what she was saying, but I think it's not that there's anything wrong with being a working parent or better about being a stay-at-home, but rather that if there isn't a parent to be at home with older kids, they should at least have somewhere to go rather than being home by themselves, or out and about? I may be reading it wrong, of course, since it wasn't expressed very clearly.
But if that's what the OP was saying, then I'd agree that it's probably better for teen kids to not have to fend for themselves until the parent(s) get home, at least younger teens. However, that can be difficult to accomplish. And I'm sure there are drawbacks to it, too.
I think it comes down to individual situations; there are some teens who have a stay-at-home parent or 'sitter' who aren't in any better a situation than those who are alone after school for a few hours until a parent gets home. The question/issue isn't one about which generalizations work.
sisselMost work and let the kids being teens stay home til you get home. Oh Wow!! Let me say I watched your kids because they didn't want home in a empty house
sissel I listen to your child and understood,
First off....you didn't watch MY kids and when they were young teens, I had no choice but to work. They wanted food....they wanted clothing......I needed money to do that. That meant, all of us as a team pulling together to do what was best for our family. My teens went home from school, did their work and hung out at the house until I got home - which amounted to 2 hours of their time.
I don't appreciate the implication that you somehow played a role in parenting my children or that I was somehow a bad parent because I had a job.
sissel I am so glad I was there .
It sounds more like you resent having them there, like you're angry with their parents and somehow felt like you needed to take over the job of parenting their children. Teenagers are not lost puppies with no place to go. They're young adults who should be taught responsibility and independence. Being home alone a few hours after school allows them to experience that, it's their parents job to teach them the value of making good choices for themselves.
It's great that you could be there for those kids, but don't lump us all in one basket.
sissel, did you used to post here using the name "G Fresh"?
sisselYes, how many teen kids that you are stay at home Moms???
WTH does that even mean?
sisselLet me say I watched your kids because they didn't want home in a empty house,
sisselI was the stay at home MOm and all the teens came to my house, yes after work you came by to pick up your kid, teen yrs can get into different directions,
sisselI fed them, nice kids but you not home they could go crazy in a different direction
sissel They called me Mom #2 how sad.
sisselThe kids wanted a safe place and I did if for many yrs.
sisselIf not they can get into trouble you aren't there.
PLEASE folks! Whether or not you are a stay at home parent, PLEASE, get your child one of these.
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