How would you feel about this?

A woman at work today was telling a story about a situation that happened in her family many years ago.

She said when her grandfather died he had been living on his own but had no extra money so it was left to his 3 sons  to pay for the funeral.

One son had taken out a $5,000 life insurance policy on the father.  The other sons knew about the policy.  They were never asked  to pay any of the premiums but they  also never offered to pay.

The grandfather died and the 3 sons went to pay for the $6,000 funeral.  The son who had  the life insurance policy pitched in $2,000 .  The other 2 sons thought  he should pay $5,000 and they  should have to pay only $500 each.

They accused him of profiting from their father's death.  The one with the policy said it was no different than if he'd saved the money in an account every month and just because he'd "saved" more than his one- third of the bill didn't mean he had to pitch all of it in.

One of his brothers never spoke to him again.

How would you feel about this?

They all owed an equal share. 

They none should have cared a whit about the others' finances, unless it were to extend a helping hand.

As for breaking off all contact....  Even family can do things so heinous that they can't be forgotten or forgiven.  For me, this would not even put a blip on the radar screen.  But that's me.

I agree with BMB.

Adults who do not have shared finances do not have a say in each others' finances.  If the brothers had discussed how they would prepare for their father's eventual death and decided to take out an insurance policy to cover the costs, that would be what the policy was for.  But there was no shared decision.  One brother, individually, decided to take out insurance against his individual costs and needs.  As it happened, he was more prepared than his share demanded.  That doesn't make his preparation a sin, nor does it convert his money into his father's estate.

As for relatives who "never speak to each other again" over one perceived slight, I can only assume that they love their anger more than they ever loved the relative.  I imagine that they take their anger out to polish and feed as often as they can and display it like a trophy.

I agree it should have been shared. But I have seen so many things go wrong with families and funerals. It is heartbreaking.

I don't think the brother should be punished for planning ahead.  Death is inevitable and he obviously knew that they'd have to share the expense of the funeral.  

Now..do I think it would have been a nice gesture on his part to throw the whole policy towards it?  Yup, but it shouldn't be expected.

They definitely owed an equal share.  They could have chosen the life insurance policy as well.

I think it's sad that the one who chose to quit speaking to his brother is in a sad state. I can't imagine letting money come between my brother and me. People are more important than things. And "things" include money.

Don't you just love the word "Family"? NOT!!!

 I have seen the most trivel things in life separate a family.

I think since there was no help with the payments for the life insurance, then I understand why the bill was split up among the children to pay the funeral bill. If they  would have given help with the payments then the whole $5,000 should have went to the funeral. But since the children did not. Then of course the bill should have been split equally among each child.

Even in life or death, you see the greed, hate, anger, and strife in families. True unconditional love is not always in each family. It would make life so much happier if everyone were to get along. But since they can't. That is why there is so much conflict.

As for not speaking to someone, until you walk in similar shoes you may not understand, why it is done. Sometimes it's anger, sometimes its plain stupidity over something in ones life pathways, and sometimes it's simply  for ones own  sanity of  the mind. I know I have family members who have stopped speaking to other familiy members simply for a sane mind, because someone was so mentally troublesome there was no reasoning with them. And in other cases it was over stupidness that someone else once said or for the values the person held strong with in their life and again there was no reasoning with them.

Again! Family you have to love them, hate them, or keep them. That is why some people are blessed with wonderful caring families and others walk a mile alone. 

OH! And I bet there were problems with in the family of siblings before the Father died. Though sometimes true colors come out on people in different situations of life issues.

I personally feel it is his business if he wanted to take out insurance on his grandfather.

Don't know if the grandfather left anything, but I am sure if he did, they would have wanted their share.

the father should have made his own arrangements....but he didn't....so it was up to the son's I guess....can you tell I have some feelings about this issue....lol  WE should take care of our OWN final expenses....not leave it up the who ever is left to pay for....plus that way you get what YOU WANT....not what a funeral home pushes on the family....

and they each pitch in EQUALLY not one more than the others...and it's interesting that the one son could get an insurance policy on his dad...I didn't think that was legal....but then I am not a lawyer...

shelleyjCA2AZ

  and they each pitch in EQUALLY not one more than the others...and it's interesting that the one son could get an insurance policy on his dad...I didn't think that was legal....but then I am not a lawyer...

I think someone getting an insurance policy is better than the family making a plea for funds in the obituary.  It usually reads, please do not send flowers, make a donation to help with funeral expenses.

Personally I think the son that bought the life insurance policy collected because of his Father's death and the entire amount of  what he collected should have been put on the funeral expenses and then whatever was left the other 2 should have put up equally.  Nobody told him he HAD to buy that policy and pay those premiums.  He did that knowing it was for his Father's death.  For family peace he should put the WHOLE amount that he collected for funeral expenses.  Now had he gotten a Million dollar policy maybe or something way more than the $5000.00 he could have kept whatever after the entire thing was paid out of the money the policy paid.  I always felt that any money from life insurance should take care of funeral expenses FIRST then the rest can be used for whatever. 

shelleyjCA2AZ

.and it's interesting that the one son could get an insurance policy on his dad...I didn't think that was legal....but then I am not a lawyer...

Yes indeed, the son "collected because of his father's death" but he didn't hasten his father's death.  He didn't profit by harming anyone.  He did not receive that money by causing a loss of money or anything else to his brother or his father.

He was merely prepared.  His father might have needed long-term care before his death, and this son would have been prepared to help out, knowing that the insurance would reimburse him afterwards.  His father might have died with debts his children hadn't know about, and this son would have been able to help settle them, again, because put money aside in advance.  Perhaps he would have found himself unexpectedly emotionally devastated by his father's death and needed that money for counseling.  (I know at least 2 adults who took more than a year to get their balance back after losing a parent.)

That's what insurance is:  Not magical bonus money raining from heaven, but savings and investment against a possible future occurrence.  Yes, he knew his father would one day die, but he could not know exactly what costs would fall on him when it happened.

It doesn't sound like the other brothers were destitute; they paid their share from their savings and investments; he paid from his.  That one of his was named "life insurance policy" doesn't change anything in my mind.



But I also know that when family and death are involved, emotion rules over logic.  I can see how, to his grieving brothers it felt like "WE are mourning our father, and he is celebrating a windfall."

from googling this issue....if the dad signed the application along with his son then the son could take out insurance on dad...otherwise it's a big RED FLAG.....if you know what I mean...

mrsmarkdave

I can't imagine letting money come between my brother and me.

I can't tell you how many times I've heard those exact words.  Later on I'd hear,  "I can't believe he/she is letting money come between us!"   

People can be greedy, selfish, indifferent, and mean.   ALL people!   Even those people who carry around the same genes as we do.

No matter what you heard blood isn't always thicker than water.

Cyndi Lauper is right.  Money changes everything.