We were out today for an hour and she smokes and I don't. As soon as she got in my car she reaked of cig's. After I got home I could smell that crappy smoke on my new blouse. How should I tell her??
She's probably been told hundreds of times already.
Some days, I can literally see the testosterone floating in the air around here.
send her you dry cleaning bill?
I think that people that smoke really do not realize how offensive that odor can be and it can sure permeate your clothing hair, pours in your skin, everything! Depends on how good a friend she is and would she be deeply offended by your remark? I guess you could just ask her if she is aware of how that smell lingers and permeates everything including your new blouse and you really do no appreciate it! I myself wouldn't say anything I would just choose to be with her when you guys can be out side! We have a no smoking law here in Illinois. I can recall one time Mr. Molly went into a restaurant to pick up food that we had ordered before this law went into affect and he reeked with smoke when he came out. Had to launder his clothes and he had to take a shower and shampoo his hair!
Sorry about your blouse!
I wouldn't say a thing. I think it would be rude to do so. If you don't like being in confined spaces with her, then just don't be from now on. You have to weigh things and decide how important this friendship is to you, and whether her smoking 'smell' is more of a problem than not having her as a friend would be. I'm not saying that speaking up would necessarily ruin a friendship, but I just think you have to look at the importance of the two in the great scheme of things.
Quite honestly, I've never run across this with smoking friends. Yes, if they smoke in a confined space where we are, then the smell does stick to me. But I've never spent time in a car with someone who smokes elsewhere (even heavily) and have that smell stick. Perfume, yes... and in those situations, I just think 'it's not all about me' and let it go.
I don't think it would be rude at all to tell someone their habits are adversely affecting you. Certainly you have the right to the peaceful enjoyment of your own space (be it your home, your car, your clothes or just the little bit of area we claim even out in public)
HOWEVER, as others have said, it's highly unlikely that anything you say to her is going to make a scrap of difference. I'm with you--btw--can't stand the smell of smoke. gives me a migraine, most of the time.
To that end, you need to find a way to cope--suggesting meeting her at a restaurant, mall, etc rather than driving together, is one way to go. I don't allow people to smoke inside my house--but if her clothes reek, that may not be enough--she may bring the smell in with her, and it may 'attach' itself to your furniture. If so, you may want to avoid having her over. And I definitely woudln't wear anything good to her house, if you ever find yourself invited there. You have every right to no want to smell cigarette smoke--either fresh or stale. I think I'd try direct alternatives first, and only if she asked for an explanation, would I tell her why I didn't want to spend time in a care with her.
Let's be honest here. Your friend is not going to give up smoking just because the odor offends you. I agree with you not wanting to have to smell that on your own clothes but you are either going to have to put up with it to keep her friendship or, not allow her in your car or house. Meet her in public places instead. As for telling her, I think you are the only one who can decide that as only you knows how strong the friendship is. Be prepared to loose her as a friend if you do.
It's funny, DH smokes, and I don't notice a really strong smell when by him, but, he does have some.
But, get me in a store somewhere, and a woman, usually a woman, can be standing next to me, or just walk by, and the odor overwhelms me. And then I wonder, do I smell that badly, being in a house with the smoker? But, I probably smell like dog, too.
I agree with Justyou, you wil probably lose a friend, if you value your friendship, you might have to go with the flow. Sucks, I know.
Many, many years ago I was a smoker. I borrowed a friend's sweater one day at work and the next day she told me how bad it smelled. I remember being apologetic & embarrassed...but not until I quit smoking did I realize the smell that comes from it.
I would not let her smoke in my car, that's for sure. Roll a window down somewhat just for you. I'm bothered by smoke, because of allergies, so I could honestly say it really hinders my breathing....so because of that can you please not smoke around me.
Tough spot to be in Clucksie.
DO NOT REGRET GROWING OLDER.
IT'S A PRIVILEGE DENIED TO MANY.
It is hard for me to believe that anyone (whether they smoke or not) doesn't know that smokers smell of cigarette smoke.
I have a sister and friends that smoke. They all know that I do not allow smoking in my home or car. Sorry, it is outside for the smokers. When we go to restaurants together, we always sit in the non smoking section. You didn't actually say that she was smoking in your car, just that she smelled of smoke. It would be nice if everyone who smoked, asked if it was ok to light up, but if they don't, I guess you have no choice but to ask them nicely, not to smoke in your presence. In this day and age, with the second had smoke issues, it is not an unusual request. I think most smokers understand the issues surrounding this habit. Good Luck.
BTW, I think that a real friend would not be upset by the request. I feel that a smoker should request permission from their companions before they light up around non smokers, especially when they are not in their own homes or cars, but even then, the right thing to do would be to ask their companions if it is ok with them. It is common courtesy.
Catmint_WV_49FBut, I probably smell like dog, too.
I feel for you. When I am around smoke I suffer from it for days afterwards. My chest feels heavy and I really have trouble breathing. If only people who smoke cared about others it would be so nice. I avoid being around anyone with the habit. It is really nasty and is not welcome in my car or home. That is the end of the friendship if they can't handle it.
Sorry but that is JMO
"Anyone can oppose, it's fun to be against things, but there comes a time when you have to start being for things as well."
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