Thanksgiving with

We live about 3 hours from extended family and were going to have Thanksgiving by ourselves here at home, as usual. Then we got an email from my SIL saying that we needed to come for Thanksgiving because this is probably the last Thanksgiving the family could all get together because FIL and MIL are both in bad health and declining. This is true but you know what? I don't particularly care. My FIL is a total a@@. Even before he began this decline in physical and mental health, he was a real S O B. He used to beat my DH as a young child. He sexually assaulted several women - including family members (including me) and made inappropriate remarks to his granddaughters. My MIL has been in denial that he has done anything wrong and our issues with her are nearly as bad. SIL#1 is absolutely crazy and SIL#2 is a pompous, self absorbed witch.
Bottom line: my DH & I figured it was the "right thing to do" and are going to drive the 3 hrs to go have a meal with these people. Neither of us really want to go but some things in life you just do. Know what I mean?
So who else is spending Thanksgiving with people you really don't want to be with? Please share your stories!I would rather go to the dentist and have root canal without anesthetic but oh well. Such is life!

family can be crappy.....I am sorry you had this happen to you...

many will say "don't go"...but we all need to say goodbye...which is what you will be doing..even to crappy people....

I hope they all keep their mouths in check....if they don't I would leave....and not feel bad...

I get to spend my holidays with those I love...I am blessed...

3 of my kids will not be around this Thanksgiving. Every year, I think it's going to be our last together because my parents are in poor health. You know what? I think they're going to outlive us all because the stress of caring for them is going to send us all to an early grave. So anyway, I'm not going to put a guilt trip on my kids. They love and respect their grandparents, and their grandparents know it.
As far as spending the holiday with family, it's a joy for us to be together. I'm sorry your DH had such a painful childhood. I think you're doing right things staying away.

They cannot take advantage of you unless you let them. It would be the last day in hell when I sat across from this fil. If they call again tell them what he did to you.

janicestar, they all know what he did to me. It was 13 years ago. My MIL wrote DH a letter telling him he should take the kids and "come home". SIL called me up on the phone, said I was a "lying *itch" and hung up on me. The only one who is nice to me is the crazy SIL. DH doesn't like any of them either. We have kept a relationship with them because I am not the type who can just cut anyone off - although DH would have if I'd given the word at any time.

And we never said anything about his comments to our DD because their vengence would've come onto her and then back again on to me. Just easier to stay completely away.

As someone pointed out, this is kind of the time to say "goodbye" but I don't think either of us will shed any tears when FIL or MIL is gone. And in the end, I have always felt like I've been the "bigger person" and can look myself in the mirror and like who I see.

I must add, though...FIL must've felt awful guilty for what he did because he gave us the downpayment for the two houses that we've lived in! LOL!! I told DH that maybe this time, if he tries anything, I could get $$ for a new car!

some things never change with family do they?

I can only grin and bare it with certain family members anymore.

I think in this past year, with DD and discovering what is going on with her, I sort of cut through the BS with a few family members now.

Not naming anyone, just saying some will not be here this year and I am thankful.

BB, so sorry you are having to deal with this. I hope you get some enjoyment out of the day.

Well said, Shelley. I agree with her. It wo'nt be easy, though.

But, come Christmas, you can have Christmas with your family, and enjoy the day with yourselves.

wow, perhaps I'm a wee bit coldblooded but I've cut people out of my life (including some of dh's relatives) for way less than that. And I don't miss them. At all.
IMO life is too short to waste a holiday with people I don't like.

Family can suck. I have cut off all contact with my mother. She has not been a part of our lives for almost 4 years. She was abusive to me in every way, except sexually,when I was a kid. I had thought she had changed,until she did something that I could not forgive. She harmed my children. Whenever I start to miss her,and believe it or not,she IS my mom,so there are times when I do,when I miss her,I think of my kids,and that sentimental feeling disappears. I told her,basically,you can screw w/me,but you won't srcew w/my kids. She's mentally unstable. I understand why you feel you HAVE to go,but maybe you can leave your kids w/your parents? It doesnt sound like somewhere you would want your kids to be. It would ruin their holiday. If you do have to take them,and it being a holiday I can see where you would,shelter them as much as possible.
Good luck! We are having dinner here,so I'll invite who I wish! Thank God DH's family is normal!

I used to hate to go to ex's parents for Thanksgiving or Christmas, Christmas being the worse because of them wanting to attend Midnight Mass. They were alcoholics and would drink all day so they would be loaded by the time they got ready for church. It was so embarrassing.

After going just twice, I finally refused to go but we would still go to their place for the holidays.

I was so glad when we moved to CA., got away from that, then we moved back to IN and once again it was the same except we did not attend Mass., then within 4 years of moving back I was divorced from ex and his family.

My own family isn't much better, really. The best thing we've done is move 130 miles away from our hometown.

And the kids, at least the 3 older ones, are old enough to understand why we're spending this holiday with these people. The younger one is just really excited about staying in the hotel! She could care less about seeing people she doesn't really know!

Sometimes I wish I could be a little more hard hearted and just wipe away people who have caused so much pain in our lives and done unbelievable crap. But I keep them on the fringes and get on with life.

My family is so incredibly traditional. My brother and I are the only ones not married, the only ones who aren't home owners (instead we are apartment renters), we don't have children, and we are the only smokers (well 3 wks ago my brother quit so now it's just me).

And some of my family members would (in their own subtle way) make us feel less important because we weren't like them. Like we were still just children ourselves. (We are both in our 30s!)

Luckily, they have all relaxed a little the past couple years. No one (not them, not me) has sacrificed who they are, but also no one is trying to make anyone else become "suitable" to the others.

Still, there's always that sense that this could be the year they start up again. And it's the whole lot of 'em this Thanksgiving too.