I'm just being honest!

Okay - I'm just really tired of this phrase.  My dil and a co-worker use it all the time - usually after they say something mean or rude.  Finally - yesterday I told my co-worker that being honest is when you give back to the bank teller the extra $20 she gave you, honest is when you don't cheat on your taxes.  Saying something that will diliberately hurt someone's feelings is not being honest - it is just being rude!

IF someone asks me my opinion about something, or asks how I feel about something then I tell them, honestly, even if I know they won't like what I have to say.  Some people have no tact at all, however,  You can be honest without being rude, I believe.  Maybe what someone is saying when they say that as your co-worker and DIL do is that they are being honest about how they feel/what they think and it sounds as if the feelings of others are not a consideration to them. 

Nobody can force you to be rude.  One can choose to say something honest but tactful.

"It's not to my taste" rather than "It tastes disgusting"

"I think you look better in blue" rather than "That yellow dress makes you look awful"

"My faith does not condone that behavior" rather than "You'll burn in Hell for that"

Or even, "I'm afraid my feelings on that subject are rather negative" which does not require one to go on and detail those feelings.

One can also decide to remain silent or to change the subject.  Honesty does not require us to spill our guts.  Nor is honesty the only positive value.  Kindness, compassion, and empathy are signs of strength, not of weakness.  So if you're "just" being honest, then maybe you're not doing enough.

Well Said LadyFingers !!!!!

I am just being honest

 Better to say too little than too much.

What is that saying...Better to remain silent and be thought a Fool then to speak and remove all doubt.

I usually reply with that quote when someone is just being honest with me.

Lady Fingers, Wonderful!

bug

Lady Fingers - right on the money.  I'm saving that post.  Another favorite saying of my dh's is

"Some thoughts are best left not expressed!"

My simple feeling on this is......if someone feels compelled to add 'I'm just being honest'...they know what they said was hurtful or maybe they just meant to hurt and adding that little caveat makes them feel better.

BTW I agree with BOC too! 

You are right GmawMary. If someone says something that deliberately hurts another's feelings, it is plain rude.  But there are some people who seem to enjoy doing that.  I think they must not have a very high opinion of their self.  As Mama Bear said in the Berenstain Bears "The In Crowd", "Some people build themselves up by putting others down".  And I have told my girls that since they were very young.  The Berenstain Bear children's books have more wisdom in them than some adults have!

brigid