Do any of you have a parent w/ Alzheimers?

My mom is 87 and has alzheimers. She was diagnosed about 10 years ago. She lives in a really nice board and care. Physically she's as healthy as a horse. We took her out for Mother's Day today. She had no idea who we were, she asked me if she could keep the silverware and she clamied she wasn't hungry. It was like we were celebrating w/ someone that had no clue who we were or what we were doing. My nephew, his wife and 15yo son met us there. It was nice to have them there for conversation since my mom doesn't talk much any more. I'm so grateful that my mom has never asked me who I am (although I'm pretty sure she doesn't recognize me as her daughter) and yet today, it seemed like I was celebrating Mother's Day w/ a stranger. Anyway, I'm just wondering if anyone else has a parent w/ Alzheimers?

MIL had it for about 3 years when she passed away.   Hers was a rapid declining form and she had it before all fo the helpful drugs were out like they are today. 

DON'T stop reaching out even if she does forget who you are.  Keep celebrating the holidays, keep talking to her even though you don't think she hears or understands.  You NEVER KNOW when there is a moment of clear mindedness and she will know who you are and what's going on.  The hearing is the last thing to go and they may not be able to say it or show it but they feel the presence of loved ones.

Yes.  DH has BOTH parents with it right now.  Mom is 85 and 100% bedridden, dad is 86 and they both live at home.  We have a 24/7 care for them.  It is sad as some days they don't even know each other. 

                               Cassiebabe

Bless your hearts, all of you! I can't imagine the sadness of knowing that your mom doesn't know you. Just remember, YOU know who she is and you will have good memories (and a clear conscience) after she has gone to her heavenly reward. Years ago my sister and I visited our Grandpa in the hospital with bladder cancer (and he had dementia) and we talked and talked about our mother, her birthday party, all sorts of family things. As we left he asked the nurse "who were those two girls?" We stood in the hall and cried. Prayers going out to all of us who have elderly relatives who need our care.

My MIL has it.  You're so very lucky that after 10 years, your mom is still able to go out and do things with you--even if she doesn't quite know who you are, where she is, or what's going on .  I'd ask this, though--are you absolutely certain it's Alzheimers?  Had a friend who's mother was diagnosed with it, but it wasn't progressing the way the disease usually does (by 10 years, people with it are often getting to the later stages where they are beginning to lose physical abilities).  Turns out, friend's mother was misdiagnosed.  She had something else entirely, and spent years getting treated for the wrong thing, because some of these conditions are so very hard to pin down. 

 

MIL (diagnosed about 9 years ago) has been pretty much a vegetable for the past 3-4 years.  Unfortunately, you also need to be aware of, and protect against the fact that someone with that disease is very likely to be victimized by someone unscrupulous.  Hope that doesn't happen to your mom.  It did in our case, and we've been in a very heart-breaking fight to protect her interests.

 

I'm so pleased for you, though, that you were able to take her out and enjoy--as much as possible--the day.  Hang in there.

I told my children once that if I ever develop Alzheimers that I want them to know that even if I don't remember them in my head I know them in my heart.  Try to keep that in mind when you feel sad about your mom.  I'm also glad you were able to celebrate with her.

My Mom has Alzheimers and lives in a nursing home. She has gone through many stages, which were so uncharateristic of who Mom really was. Her physical health is pretty good but she is now becoming kind of weak and unstable. She is always happy to have company, but usually thinks we (her children) are her brothers and sisters. She doesn't remember that she was married for all those years. My sisters and brother and I say that sometimes we have the feeling that we've already grieved the loss of our Mother, as the woman that we knew.

My mom has it.  She was diagnosed probably 12-13 yrs. ago.  Daddy took care of her, with the help of my sister, who lives next door, until 4 or 5 yrs. ago.  She is long past recognition of loved ones.  She is capable of walking, but doesn't unless you physically pull her out of the chair.  They keep her in a wheel chair at the home.  She rarely responds to people.  Once in a while you can get a smile out of her, or may get her to "meow".  She is not concious of her surroundings.  As far as she is concerned, she is home. 

My Daddy had Alzheimer's, Senile Dementia, & Congestive Heart Failure the last nine months of his life.  I cared for him in my home for those 9 months with virtually NO help from my siblings.  Sometimes he would think that he was in a hospital & that I was his nurse.  I am a nurse(retired cardiac) & I guess he remembered that on some level.  It is very difficult to see your loved one's mental state deteriorate like that.  Sometimes he would think that he was a boy again growing up on a Pike County farm during the Depression.  Sometimes he was as right as rain & would carry on conversations with me about his being in the Navy in WWII & what experiences he had.  He NEVER talked about his stint in the Navy when we were growing up.  He had some really neat stories to tell.  My siblings missed out on that, but all they care about was $$$ that they could get out of the estate.  Oh, well.  You reap what you sow...                        

 Yes, my DM had Alzheimers for about 3 years before she passed in 1997.  The comment that Foodguy made about mourning them before they pass is so true.  I barely cried at my Mother's funeral, because I had mourned her before.  I went to many seminars on Alzheimers', and learned how to deal with a loved one with it, without guilt or stress.  We really couldn't take my DM out, as she would act out (start getting undressed and "coming on" to strangers, etc.!).  That was totally out of character for her, so we just kept her around loved ones who did their best to understand her.  God Bless You.

My mother has been in a nursing home since 1998 with dementia, most likely  Alzheimer's.  She is confined to a wheelchair after falling and breaking her hip about four years ago.  She sometimes shows some signs of recognizing me, but often thinks her sons are her brothers.  The memory loss has progressed slowly, but she  has deteriorated over the years.  As someone else said, I have done my grieving already .  Alzheimer's disease has been called "The Long Goodbye" and that is certainly true in my mother's case.       

Margielou       

Mother in law. 97 and her brother, wife's uncle, 91 both have it.

Both still live with us.  Over 3 yrs now. 

 

Joe

 

PS  prople still ask why I  drink..                    LOL

My MIL has it and was able to be at home until a few months ago.  Her youngest DS and family lived in her home with her but they were both working 8-9  hours/day and even with Meals on wheels coming in daily it was just not safe for her to be alone anymore.  I am divorced from her oldest son but have always taken care of all medical/dental appts, etc. and have been the "go to" person for all decisions regarding her since FIL died.  So, I made the decision that she had to be in a nursing home----neither of her sons gave me much argument because they knew it was best for her but neither wanted to make the decision.  Early mornings are good for her memory wise but at the day goes on so does the memory----very definately has the "sundowners" associated with it.  Everyone has quit telling her that her DS and I are divorced because it seems that for that few minutes of understanding she has a very sad look in her eyes.  I have also told everyone, including the NH staff, to forget reality orientation.  My SIL would argue endlessly with her about what day it was, etc.  Makes no sense to me----she is happy and content----just let her be.  I agree that I too have grieved for her----my thoughts and prayers are with you all dealing with this---it is not easy.

willie

red_savage1:

I have a sister who lives 20 miles away--does not call, visit or help with Mom. Does cause me a lot of problems.