SoF, I finally sorted my own feelings about this whole issue many years ago....understanding my own perceptions was the most important part.
Simply put, there is no single definable lifestyle for anyone, and you know it and I know it and so do many others here. If that were so, we'd be all eating the same foods, drinking the same drinks, all at the same time.... we'd be robotic. Sexuality, as I understand it, amongst my many and varied friends, is as different from one person to the next, as their tastes in food and drink. Geez, the fetishists sure don't enjoy sex the way I would, but they're not asking me to take part, and they enjoy it, and they're hurting no one, and their activities are consentual with their partners, so I'm happy for them.
Putting certain kinds labels on people is wrong.
"OMG...he's one of those...those...BROCCOLI lovers, you know!! SHUN HIM!!!"
I'm not saying that any sexuality is a choice, nor that any fetish is a choice, but I am saying that it is a part of who each and every one of us is, from asexuality to heterosexuality to bi-sexuality to homosexuality. But it is not a label. Otherwise, after Dr., Mr., Mrs., or Ms. would be the next label:
Mr.homosexual Bill Smith...or Mrs.asexual Joan Doe...(poor Mr.heterosexual John Doe)
JMHO
ViolaB