29 lines to make you smile

1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't. 
2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. 
3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them. 
4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. 
              
5. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. 
6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me 
7. Beauty is in the eye of t he beer holder. 
8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe. 
9. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing 
               ; 
10. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. 
11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck- is-the-room- spinning medicine. 
12. God must love stupid people; He made so many. 
13. The gene pool could use a little chlorine. 
14. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.  
                         & nbsp; 
15. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? 
16. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it! 
17. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up. 
18. Procrastinate Now! 
                         
19. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?  
20. A hangover is the wrath of grapes. 
21. A j ourney of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance. 
22. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere! 
23. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken. 
24. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD. 
25. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory. 
26. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig. 
27. The trouble with life is there's no background music. 
28. The original point and click interface was a Smith &  Wesson.

29. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.