Interesting Article on this topic on MSN.com today entitled "10 Big Mistakes Parents Make"
http://men.msn.com/article.aspx?cp-documentid=7881416>1=32001
1) Spoiling kids
There is no doubt that parents love
their kids and want them to have all the things they didn't. However, this comes
at a price. A ton of well-intentioned parents have ended up spoiling their kids
to such a degree that the kids aren't even happy with all the stuff they have.
This causes them to never be satisfied and always want more. Junior doesn't need
one more piece of crap, what he needs is some special time with his parents.
Think of it this way: How will they ever be prepared for disappointment
throughout their life—or learn to be thankful for anything?
2) Inadequate discipline
When you're too lazy to
adequately discipline your kids, you pass the little devil you've created on to
your relatives, coaches, teachers, and his friends' parents. It's not OK to let
your kids treat your house like it was a Jump Planet because that's exactly how
they'll treat other people's homes. They should also be much better behaved when
they leave the house and visit elsewhere. I've lived through this nightmare
first-hand, with the same kid at my house treating my $1,500 couch like a
trampoline, and then calling my daughter "ugly" while the kids were eating
dinner. All within a 15-minute span. If you don't discipline your kid, someone
else will—and you won't like it.
3) Failing to get involved at school
School is where your
kids will spend more time than any place besides your home. It's also the place
that will have the most responsibility for shaping their life—from teachers and
their peers. That being said, how can you not want to be involved in what's
going on there? It doesn't matter if it's you or your spouse: Your family needs
to have a presence at that school. And don't use work as an excuse—take a
vacation day if you need to. You'll see immediately that it's time well spent.
You should also have at least an e-mail relationship with their teacher. It's a
great way for that teacher to see that you're interested in your child's
development, and the teacher can alert you to anything concerning that may be
going on with your son or daughter. Your kid's teacher may take a much more
active role with your child if they know you're keeping close tabs.
4) Praising mediocrity
While we all want to encourage our
kids to do well and build their self-esteem, there is a point of going too far.
Building a child's self-esteem is great, but having a big party for a mediocre
accomplishment skews what they view as a real achievement. One big place I see
this is in sports. A participation trophy for anyone over the age of 6 just ends
up devaluing the meaning of a real trophy. It's happening in my own household.
While I was against trophies for my 7-year-old son's basketball team, a few moms
overruled. My son has played exactly four seasons of sports and has earned more
trophies than I did in my 40 seasons growing up. Something is out of whack.
5) Not giving kids enough responsibility
Your kids
shouldn't be expecting any payment for doing chores around the house. It's a
home, not a hotel. That being said, an allowance is a great idea … for extra
work. They should be pulling their weight as part of the family. If they grow up
without enough responsibility, how in the world do you expect them to hold down
a job, or get through college? When they get "of age," make sure they're taking
some of the burden off you around the house—from unloading the dishwasher to
picking up dog poop in the backyard. While they're not your slaves, they sure
aren't on vacation, either.
6) Not being a good spouse
How you treat your husband or
wife is very important to the way your kids will develop relationships,
especially as adults. If you treat your spouse poorly, or if your only way to
settle any kind of dispute is to yell and scream at each other, you're teaching
your kids to handle themselves the same way. Kids learn from watching you much
more than they learn from listening to you. If you treat your spouse with love
and respect, it will also show your kids the value of their family. It will also
make them feel their family is a safe haven in what can be a dark, scary
world.
7) Setting unreal expectations
When dealing with kids,
you need to set reasonable expectations for them—especially the little ones. If
you want to go out to a nice dinner and expect your 2-year-old to sit there like
a little prince, you are setting yourself up for major disappointment. Also, if
you have visions of a football star and your son weighs 80 pounds and likes to
play the clarinet, you need to reset those expectations. Don't have unreal
expectations for your kids: The expectation you should have is for them to be
happy.
8) Not teaching kids to fend for themselves
Many parents
tend to baby kids these days and cater to their every need, and that eliminates
the value of hard work and becoming independent as they grow into adults. I fear
that we're raising a generations of wimps. Kids nowadays expect everything to be
done for them, from cleaning their room to band-aids for hurt feelings. Teaching
them to toughen up and do things on their own doesn't mean that you love them
less; it means you love them more.
9) Pushing trends on kids
Let kids be kids. Parents
shouldn't push their trends or adult outlook on life on their kids. Just because
it was your life's dream to marry a rich guy doesn't mean we need to see your
4-year-old daughter in a "Future Trophy Wife" t-shirt. The same goes for the
double ear piercing—that's what you want, not them. Teaching kids about your
passions is great, but let them grow up to be who they are. And yes, this goes
for you pathetic stage parents as well. It's hard enough for kids to figure out
who they are in the world without you trying to turn them into what you couldn't
be.
10) Not following through
I have trouble with this one
sometimes. If you're telling your kids that they'll be grounded if they paint
the neighbor's dog one more time, you'd better follow through. Unfortunately,
following though on punishments or promises makes your life a little more
difficult, but building trust is what's most important. If you're not true to
your word, your kids will assume anything you say is just talk. Then you have a
real problem on your hands. You'll also end up with kids who don't trust their
parents.