had my fill of politics...anyone have a clean joke to share

I am still reading my 150 page booklet on 12 propsitions...I would sure enjoy just some light clean humor to perk up the mood.

 A guy driving a pickup drove into a gas station for a fill-up. In the back of the pick up were 12 penquins. The attendant mentioned the penquins and was told that they had just showed up at the guy's house. The attendant suggested taking the penquins to the zoo. The guy said he never thought of that and said he would do just that.

The next day the pick-up pulls up for a fill-up and the penquins are still in the back of the truck. The attendant comes out and says "Hey, I thought you were taking them to the zoo?"

The guy says, "I did! And we had such a great time that today I am taking them to the beach!"

that's a hoot!  thanks for the upper!

Knock, knock

Who's there"

Isabel.

Isabel who?

Is a bell necessary on a tricycle? 

A young guy from California moves to Colorado and goes to a big department store looking for a job. The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says, "Yeah, I was named 'Best Salesman in the State' back home in California."

Well, the boss liked the idea of that, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

"So, Mr. Best Salesman in the State," the boss says, "how many sales did you make?"

The kid says, "One."

The boss says, "Just one?! My sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day! How much was the sale for?"

Kid says, "$101,237.64."

The boss is staggered -- that's more than what everyone together averages. "$101,237.64? What did you sell him?"

"Let's see," the kid says. "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft. Then I asked him what he was going to pull it with, and he said he had a Honda Civic. I told him that wasn't big enough for a boat that heavy, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him a new V8 SUV."

"Wow!" the boss said. "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?"

Kid says, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Well, since your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing.'..."

A man walked into a bar...he said ouch!

 LOL! Love the penguin joke.

 what is Irish and sits outside all summer?

Patio O'Furniture!   ( i love this joke.)

Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning.
Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, '"Mabel, did you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?" Mabel answered, "I have a suppository?" She pulled it out and stared at it.
Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing.
Now I think I know where my hearing aid is."

Lena liked music so Ole bought her an old piano.

A week after that Lars came to visit. Ole and Lars were sitting on the front porch when this horrible noise came from inside of the house. It sounded like a whole herd of banshees were on the lose.

"What is that horrible noise, Ole?" asked Lars.

"Oh" said Ole, that's Lena playing her trumpet."

Lars said: "I thought you had bought her a piano"

"I did" andswered Ole " I sold it and bought her a trumpet"

Lars asked" why did you do that, Ole?"

" Because when Lena plays her trumpet she can't sing" said Ole.

these are all great...but Grelo, you had me on that one!  I needed a good laugh!

A guy is supposed to meet his friends at a fancy club downtown.  He goes to the door and the bouncer won't let him in.

"You need to wear a tie to get in" says the bouncer.

"But I don't have a tie and I need to meet my friends in there!"  says the guy.

"Nope!" says the bouncer.  "No admission without a tie."

"Well if I can find something that looks like a tie, can I get in?"

"We'll see," says the bouncer.

So the guy goes back to his truck, looks around for something he can use as a necktie, and comes up with a set of jumper cables.  He winds the cables around his neck, and goes back to the door.

"Can I get in now?" he asks.

"Ok," says the bouncer, "but don't start anything."

My neighbor found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the
veterinarian. He found the problem was hair in it's ears and cleaned both
 ears and the dog could hear fine.
 The vet told the lady if she wanted to keep this from reoccurring she
 should go
 to the store and get some Nair hair remover and rub in it's ears once a
 month.
 The lady went to the drug store and got some Nair hair remover. At the
register, the druggist told her, 'If you're going to use this under your
 arms, don't use deodorant for a few days.'
 The lady said, 'I'm not using it under my arms.'
 The druggist said 'If you're using it on your legs, don't shave for a
 couple of days.'
 The lady said, 'I'm not using it on my legs either; and if you must know,
 I'm using it on my schnauzer.'
 The druggist said, 'Stay off your bicycle for a week.'

 Adria wins!

WHOOOOOHOOOOOO!!!!

I thought YOUR joke was hilarious...your weekend is shot....hahahahaha