FWIW...(Enter @ Your Own Risk- big vent)

I have returned from the deep, dark cesspool of Mother's garbage- quite "scathed," if you must know- bleeding and broken and add another scar to my collection- with yet another ache and another pain that will probably never go away until I cross that "rainbow" to whatever awaits on the other side.

 

It wasn't pretty then, and it ain't pretty now.  We are now somewhat situated in a 2 BR "handicap friendly" apartment- OOPS- they call them "units" now.  Mother chose it, paid the up- front $ and signed the lease.  Now she is regretting it.  Too Bad!  She should have listened, but she chose not to.

 

She should have opened a few drawers in the kitchen- they're too narrow for a silverware tray- by 3/4-inch.  Single trays are 3-inches wide- the narrowest tray I can find is 9-1/8-inches; the drawer is 8-7/16-inches.  Yes, I thought about cutting off the rims- doesn't matter- still 3/8-inch too wide.  Where the *** do you think I got the gash in my finger from (8 stitches- friggin' knife broke- nice clean cut, tho- I had just ground a new edge on the POS).

 

She didn't realize until 5 days ago the bathroom didn't have a medicine cabinet- we've been in here for 9- she spent half the day here the first day to start unpacking and telling the movers where to put some of the stuff and for the gas company guy, and... She takes a diuretic for crying out loud- she had to pee at least once in 5 hours!!

 

She didn't get the BR she wanted- too much furniture, like I told her.

 

She's POed because I am forcing her to face her packrat mentality: 

 

The woman has enough kitchen gadgets to fill 3 drawers and 2 cupboards; enough pots and pans to fill a professional kitchen; enough zipper bags to store 60 gallons of food- at least; enough plastic wrap to stretch from here to Des Moines (about 35 mi).

 

Can somebody tell me why a single person needs 23 hand towels? How about 14 blankets, including a wool one from before I was born?  What- you think I lie? It had 3 initials on it: USN.  My father served during Korea, before I was born- my oldest brother's father served in WW2.  Or a set of sheets for a full size bed- which she's never owned? 

 

Mother used to raise Maltese, right?  I ran across a box labeled "Dog Toys," right?  I figured some stuffed animals, maybe a few balls with those annoying little bells inside- stuff like that.  Nope!  Try top sheets to 3 sets bed linens, an old shirt, 14 rolls of toilet paper and 5 rolls paper towels. 

 

 There was a big dumpster at the old place- had 6 lids on it.  It services 5 duplex buildings.  In going through the garage disaster, I literally filled the damme thing with junk she was told- by many- to leave in CA.  I had to repack about 80% due to water damage (wall leaked) and exploded or leaking canned goods)- it took 6 days!

 

I'm POed too- she wasn't doing very much, but didn't want me to yell "rape" and pay a professional to help pack.  I couldn't get 'er dun "in time"- got charged a late fee AND the owner/manager "helped" by putting what I couldn't get to (after my 12 hour day) outside... so, some things that were not intended to be tossed were (it rained); DuDu happens, Mother!

 

BTW, I rented a 10 foot by 15 foot storage unit- the size of a decent bedroom around here- we did move out of a 3 BR. It's packed wall to wall, 6 ft high, even after my many trips to the dumpster.

 

I'm ready for a beer- and I'm gonna have one, too- probably several.

I'm married to a packrat, but he's not as bad as some.  We lived in a small apartment once with the same type of narrow drawers.  I hated it!  Luckily, we were only there for 3 months.  But you can bet that little inconvenience taught me to look for such things in future residences.

Glad you're getting it all sorted out.  

You know, electro-shock therapy only sounds scary.  Let me send you a pamphlet.

 

Hugs to your mom.  This can't have been a walk on the beach for her.

whateverfood:

BTW, I rented a 10 foot by 15 foot storage unit- the size of a decent bedroom around here- we did move out of a 3 BR. It's packed wall to wall, 6 ft high, even after my many trips to the dumpster.

 

OMGoodness! Yikes! I do not understand the whole storage unit rental thing unless people are waiting to move their things into a new place. Putting things in it just because they don't want to get rid of items that don't fit in their homes I don't get at all. I give truckloads of things to our church rummage sales almost every year, or to the sharing center. I see garages down here that are filled to to capacity like that with no room for autos.

I guess some people like your mother have a difficult time getting rid of things. I think you deserve a beer!

WEF, I have been in your shoes......not the packrat mentality, but fighting the overwhelming desire to commit matricide. Believe me, the consequences of such an act are not pretty.

 

How long are you stuck in this place? Is it a lease or did she buy a unit?

cast_iron_king:

You know, electro-shock therapy only sounds scary.  Let me send you a pamphlet.

 

Hugs to your mom.  This can't have been a walk on the beach for her.

YAR, cik- She's finally realizing why she's never been able to do the things she always wanted to do, because she never had the money... I vent out of extreme frustration because I Understand HER frustration, and can't get through to her.  Everyone who knows has tried to get through- she's even had professional counselling about it.  She knows she has the problem, acknowledges it- but nothing changes...

 I understand, believe me.  I have a sister with OCD and though not sure the title for hubby is...he is a pack rat, mess maker with junk...totally hard to understand and live with.

I sometimes feel I just sort of live here, but not my true home.  When I was able to control more, it was easier for me to cautiously throw away junk...now not so easy.  He is a hoarder of junk (he calls treasures)...not worth a darn, but can't convince him of it.  He won't throw away Anything or sell something while it is worth selling...thinking it is worth so much more than what is really is.  I have given up trying to change him...won't happen!

My sister lives with boxes of unopened items she has ordered....has an expensive..nice..vinyl outbuilding, with boxes of things she wouldn't get rid of...or hadn't even opened.  The building probably hasn't been looked in for 5 years....everything neatly in totes or stacks on shelves. 

So, yes, I understand at least a little of what you are going through...and I feel for you.

Barbara

this is your mother you are talking about???  thats terrible.........i'm laughing, i can see my ds going thru the same thing.  i think i will start getting rid of something now!!!  

 

have a sixpack....it will cool you down!!!lol

You have my sympathy! When we moved Mom, if I had been a drinker, I would have drank myself into a stupor!

 

She had things in paper bags, boxes, plastic bags, shoe boxes and any other kind of container she could put 'things' into. She had 'stuff' from when I was a kid.  Boxes of sewing needles that were so old they were rusted, boxes of bandaids that I swear were from WW1, well ok, that's a reach, but really, she had kept things that were so old they were useless. All that had to be sorted through because she had many family photos in some of these bags, boxes etc..

 

She got angry a couple of times when I started tossing, she said, "you're just like you're sister, getting rid of all my things." Not sure what she meant by that. lol I told her that she could keep anything she wanted if she was going to use it or if it was of a sentimental value. She then agreed that what I was tossing she didn't want anyway so that really helped. :o)

 

I saw my Mom at least 2 or 3 times a week and never saw these things. She had them under her bed, behind the dresser and other odd places around the house.

 

I say go for the beer... have several, just might make you feel a bit better. :o)

mountainmama_WV:

So, yes, I understand at least a little of what you are going through...and I feel for you.

Barbara

Actually, you probably live the life I do pretty closely. I've never heard Mother put a name to her problem, but OCD works for me.

 

Her issue partly stems from The Great Depression- she was born in 1931; her father died in 1936.  Her mother had 2 children to deal with, besides the loss of the family income.  For those reading this that don't have family that old, understand there was no organized government-funded assistance program to provide anything back then- it was all "charitable" (Mom's words). 

 

The "big deal of the week" was her mother giving each of her children a dime on Sunday- when she could- so they could go to the local store and get a slab of bologna for the evening meal- snipped the edge in 4 to 6 places so it wouldn't curl during frying, served with a thick slice of stale bread tossed out by the bakery down the street and the occasional stolen apple or other fruit or whatever produce was scrounged from the grocer .  Mom says there were times when that was the only meat they ate that week, and there were days when she couldn't remember eating anything.

 

So, when Mother finally was able to rise above that kind of poverty, it spilled over into obsessive/compulsive behavior.  Even now- living with me- the "walking catalog" of things she has- she goes through the advertising, sees it, writes it down on her shopping list (But , Mom! We have 17 cans already- we don't need it!).  She walks away, then I go get something for her, and when we go through the checkout- there it is- now we have 22 cans!

 

Let me put it this way: when I went through the stuff in the garage- 1/3 of it canned food- I came across 8 cans of creamed soup with an expiration date of: are you ready? "NOV 88;"  Cans were still intact, not seeping or leaking or rusted-looking; no Nutrition information on the label, no inkjet or laser printing... Just that stamped date in the bottom of the can.

 

 Been there, done all that.  My mom just passed away and we had to clean out the house.  I tried to do some cleaning out while she was still alive and she always gave me a fight.  Throw in the mix a sister that is helping you and she can't throw away a piece of paper, much less junk.  It got very frustrating for me and I just wanted to throw up my hands and leave.    

Big HUGS to you.  In my case, it was my father who was the pack rat.  He saved EVERYTHING because...you know...it could be a TREASURE one day.  The basement was his domain.  It was filled to the rafters with "stuff".  But then there was the garage and his "den" too!  When my mom decided she was ready to throw stuff out after he passed away, she suddenly got all sentimental!  Well at least there is a path for us to walk thru the basement and she can park her car in the garage now!!!  I totally am dreading the day that its all left to me!!!  All the pretty treasures!!!  LOL

I can relate to your mom and the depression era-I was born in 1929 and had a single mother from the time I was 7 years old, with a little brother a year younger. For years, my mother had no help and only after the WPA came along, was she enrolled in a program called 'Aid for Dependant Children'. She worked 8 hrs a day, 5 day a week, in a sewing room in the basement of the local bank and earned $4.00 per week. We lived on that for 2 years. Our house rent was $4.00 per month for a 2 story house. I am not the packrat type, but my thing is collections. Started when I was 23 years old and still doing it, altho on a much smaller scale..But I have tea pot collections, ladies compacts, vaseline glass, china tea cups, victorian style dolls, etc. My thing is my kids don't want any of this stuff, what am I going to do with it. There are hundreds of dollars tied up in this stuff which I enjoy and am not going to get rid of. My DH (if he outlives me) and my kids will have to deal with it...lol..Toni

Ivey_Queen:

WEF, I have been in your shoes...

Ivey_Queen:

fighting the overwhelming desire to commit matricide. Believe me, the consequences of such an act are not pretty.

 

Dammit!  I had such high hopes, too.

 

Ivey_Queen:

How long are you stuck in this place? Is it a lease or did she buy a unit?

 

It's a one year lease, but she has her house in CA she's trying to sell.  If she can get a reasonable price for it she'll sell and buy one here- she thinks I'm moving in with her should that happen- nope!  Been there, done that before.  It didn't work then, and it won't work now.  It wouldn't work now except I tell her what her share of the bills are (her insistence), she writes a check, and I pay the living expenses (Yes, I cheat- she doesn't see them all, but she's not an idiot).  But I won't be very far away either, and I will check on her... Like I said- been there, done that before.

Re your kitchen drawers: 

I can't stand silverware trays, so I lined the bottom of one of my kitchen drawers with green felt.  Then I divided the drawer side-to-side using plastic strips that were sold as do-it-yourself drawer dividers (bought at a kitchen store....haven't seen them sold anywhere since).  You cut them to length and they're held in place with self-stick channels on the sides of the drawers.  So the entire drawer is divided front-to-back into skinny sections, each for a different type of silverware, and there's not one inch of wasted space from an ill-fitting silverware tray.  Maybe you could improvise something similar?